Monday, November 8, 2010

High Infidelity

In the movie "The Imposter," our hero, top Christian band singer Johnny C has committed adultery. This is in addition to all the other sins... like substance abuse. Recently, I learned about another Christian band who it has been alleged that he's been in an adulterous affair for several years.

What's funny is that in researching it (and I'll tell you why I'm researching in a moment), the blogs and boards are roaring with "c'mon people, show him some grace and forgiveness!! He needs love, not stoning." While I totally agree he needs love, I would want to revisit the definition of that word. Remember, seeking the other's highest good is what love is.

Anyway, infidelity in the church is not something talked much about, except when the scandal hits. Yet, in talking with my mentor, psychologist Dr. Mike Riggins, infidelity is "epidemic in the church" in his words. This came about when I asked him what are hot issues these days in the people he counsels and in the church. He didn't hesitate.

What's more interesting is a study he did awhile back. His theory going in was that infidelity is extremely similar to death. The victim of infidelity goes through the Stages of Grief, just like losing someone to death. His conclusion was surprising-- it is longer and harder to get through the Stages of Grief in marriage infidelity than in the death of a loved one.

Wow. I suppose that with death, there's some sense of closure. But for unfaithfulness, there isn't.

Yes, Adultery is a sin. A horrific sin. The Church knows this. But what's next for the person who commits it?

I do believe that leaders in the church have a higher standard. You want that stage and want that pulpit-- the mantle of leadership. Well guess what, I can back up with scripture how with greater leadership comes greater responsibility.

So should the spouse take the adultery back? Isn't that the "Christian" way? Love, forgiveness, grace.. all that.

When adultery occurs, the marriage is over. For their to be reconciliation, a new marriage has to be built.

So why am I researching this? Maybe it's the next script that I write. Maybe.

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