I have dysfunction. Just like you. Dysfunction is where I walk in Ego for a payoff. Usually that's why a Disciple will have dysfunctions-- there's a payoff. And the key first milestone along the road to killing a dysfunction, is when the desire to change overtakes the desire for payoff.
If I don't work hard, earning revenue for my family, leaving my wife with the burden of bringing home the bacon, it's not until I desire to change that I'll actually do anything long term to fix my laziness. Oh sure, I can call it something spiritual-- it's my ministry and so forth-- but that would mean I pretty much tore I Tim 5:8 out of my Bible.
For the spouse who suffers an abuser-- maybe she gets more out of playing the victim than the effort and energy it would take to make a stand. For the Abuser, who probably was abused, it's not until he hurts so much, that he'll do anything to stop perpetuating that on people around him.
Here's a twist-- be prepared oh ye spouse that has been crying for that hubby or wife to change. If they do start to change and throw off the ungodly ways and dysfunction, you're world will go out of balance. You see, for you to have accepted the dysfunction for so long, you've found ways to get a payoff from their bad behavior too.
I know somebody right now who has looked into the mirror (James 1:22-24) and decided it's just too hard to do what is right in this situation. He has convinced himself that this new plan will work. Problem is, it's the same old plan he's done time and time again. The worst thing that could happen is for his plan to have even a little bit of success.
I know. I've been there done that. And recently, I was on the road to do something horrific. You see, one of my dysfunctions is to play the "hero" so that I'll be valued. I have played the hero at the expense of myself, my family and those around me. Half way down the slippery slope again, I woke up and saw where I was going. It was incredibly hard to stop and it involved some tough confrontation. But man, what I thought would be miserable was in fact, liberating.
You see, that's the kicker-- living in ego (sin, flesh) might seem easier. Lighter. Funner. But actually, it weighs heavy and has serious consequences. It's hard work walking in Purpose. Sometimes I'd rather just quit. But that's where the irony is. Hard work in Purpose equals lighter burden. Light work in Ego equals heavy, heavy burden.
Hmm... maybe that's why He said His yoke is easy, His burden light?
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